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The Lone Ranger (2013)
It’s a 2-hour version of Cowboys and Indians, with Jack Sparrow thrown into the mix somehow. Once upper-class lawyer John Reid (Armie Hammer) shows up in Texas, hell breaks loose. A known murderer and...
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Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)
Jack Sparrow vs. Zorro? Yeah, I wish. El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas) who continued to look for work in any Mexican town he ran into is back once again, but this time, he isn’t looking for work, work...
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Transcendence (2014)
Well of course Johnny Depp thinks he’s God! Dr. Will Caster (Johnny Depp) and his wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) both believe in technology being used as a resource to help the planet, rather than...
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Dead Man (1995)
Less dames, more drugs. The way Westerns should be. William Blake (Johnny Depp) is a small-time accountant who was promised a job in the town of Machine, so he decided to leave his simple life in...
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West of Memphis (2012)
Arkansas politicians: What a bunch of dummies. You may have heard of it, you may have not, but regardless, here’s the general-basis for what happened on one afternoon in the small town of West Memphis,...
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The Ninth Gate (1999)
No babies and nobody named Rosemary. Just books. A rare-book dealer named Dean Corso (Johnny Depp), is hired by bibliophile Boris Balkan (Frank Langella) to validate a 17th-Century copy of The Nine...
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Into the Woods (2014)
‘Cause nothing bad ever happens in the woods. Many stories are presented here, with almost nearly every one converging in some way, shape, or form, in the deep, dark, hellish woods everybody seems to...
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Tusk (2014)
Kevin Smith: He is the walrus. Coo coo ca choo. Wallace Bryton (Justin Long) is a bit of a jerk, but he gets by on running a podcast with his good buddy (Haley Joel Osment) and banging his smokin’ hot...
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Mortdecai (2015)
Funny ‘staches, get it? Lord Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) is an eccentric British chap who likes fine women, fine drinks, fine food, fine cars, and most importantly, fine art. So much so, that it’s...
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Donnie Brasco (1997)
Forget about it? New York mobster Lefty (Al Pacino) walks into his usual diner, starts talking up a storm with some guy named “Don the Jeweler” (Johnny Depp), figures out that the ring he just bought...
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Black Mass (2015)
Tim Burton must feel pretty useless right about now. Whitey Bulger (Johnny Depp) was one of the most notorious criminals in history. He ran South Boston by his rules, which, for the most part,...
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Cry-Baby (1990)
Think of it as the true story of Elvis Presley’s high-school days. Gosh, what a prick. Cry-Baby (Johnny Depp), is the leader of the Drapes and a bad boy juvenile delinquent with a heart of gold who’s...
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Alice in Wonderland (2010)
Never have hallucinogenics been so dull. Alice (Mia Wasikowska) is a girl who dreams big, beautiful and often times, crazy things. So often so, that the real world surrounding her just doesn’t do...
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Sleepy Hollow (1999)
Find the head and you may get the killer. Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) is a New York City detective whose unorthodox techniques and penchant for gadgets make him unpopular with is colleagues. That’s...
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Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Everyone needs a little cut, no? Evil Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) lusts for the beautiful wife of a London barber named Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp) and rather than having any competition with this man,...
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Yoga Hosers (2016)
Canada’s cool and all, but man, those accents. Colleen and Colleen (Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith) have been best friends ever since they were little kids. Nowadays, they spend most of their...
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Before Night Falls (2000)
Us writers, and the wild lives we live. Reinaldo Arenas (Javier Bardem) had a hell of a life that never ceased to be filled with energy, excitement, and altogether, tragedy. It started when he was born...
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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)
Come sail away and never come back. Seriously. All of these years of screwing people over left and right has finally caught up with Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), who is now so down on his luck that...
View ArticleMurder on the Orient Express (2017)
Happens all the time in Uber’s. Belgium detective Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) is a rather famous fella. He’s known for his smarts and his ability to solve crimes in a quick, orderly-fashion, just...
View ArticleFantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)
Okay. Now where’s Niffler’s spin-off. Picking right up from where the first left off, evil wizard Grindelwald (Johnny Depp) has his sights set on raising pure-blood wizards to rule over all non-magical...
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